Dreams

22/01/2021

Last night’s dream was interesting, I should explain that since Lockdown in March 2020, I have had some pretty weird dreams, I’ll get in to them in another post. Anyway last nights dream was a Dinner party theme. Now, I’ve never hosted a dinner party in my life, but I have watched many many episodes of ‘Come Dine With Me’, so I know the general format, drinks and canapes, starter, main course, desert and then coffee (or tea if you prefer), and also one golden rule of diner parties, make sure the food is edible, and don’t poison anybody, the hallmark of a good dinner party is one where your guests go home of their own accord, and not in an ambulance or worse, a body bag.

Anyway, I digress, so last night (21^st Jan 2021) my dream involved a dinner party as I’ve mentioned, but this dinner party had some very very important guests. None other than The Obamas, yes The Obamas, former President and First Lady, Barack and Michelle Obama, we as you’ve probably guessed, me being from Bolton with my northern accent and them being who they are…American, our paths don’t often cross. Well, never cross, lets be honest, we arent close friends, or even friends, or even acquaintances….in fact we’ve never even met, or even communicated on Twitter….despite my many tagging of her in my tweets, she never responds…which I think is quite rude!

Anyway, so these were our dinner guests, now normally being northern I call Dinner, my Tea, because that’s correct, but for such esteemed guests, I’ll make an exception, well just the once.

So I have nothing prepared, we will be having Champagne (Well, English Sparkling wine….Well its just grape juice and lemonade but don’t say anything! If they will just turn up out the blue, Ive nothing to prepare), I’m panicking in the kitchen what can I make out of a pot noodle, 2 carrots and a tin of Spam! I’m joking, it was 2 pot noodles!

So it is approaching time for starter, I’ve rustled up some Spam Fritters, with a lovely dipping sauce ( well, its tomato ketchup with some garlic and chilli puree in it, they will never know), and chucked a bit of salad on the plate, it looks…nice.

Now, Michelle is dressed as elegantly as you would expect, not many people can pull of Cowboy boots and a Kaftan and make it look elegant, but then again we aren’t all Michelle Obama, Barack is wearing just a plain white t shirt, jacket and jeans, smart, casual but comfy, and why not, better than me in my Homer Simpson onesie, well, this is my pamper night, bath, face pack and Ru Paul’s Drag Race UK, I’m a little more than upset they have disrupted my wild plans, but there we are!

The starter goes down a treat, empty plates all round, don’t think they will have had spam fritters before but they seemed to enjoy it. Main course is a lovely carrot stir fry, I told you, 2 pot noodles,spam and 2 carrots (Shopping day is tomorrow) .I think I’m a culinary genius, I would smash that invention test on Masterchef.

Anyway, I plate up my master piece, its amazing, what you can do with a some Soy Sauce (BBE 2017) and a splash of grape juice! They don’t seem as keen on this, maybe it was the limp carrots, well they were probably past their best, one was a bit brown at the bottom, but I cut that off, some people are so fussy. Ah well, undeterred, I crack on with pudding,well I say pudding…I had some milk and a bit of rice left (after hunting for 20 mins, a open pack was right at the back of the cupboard, it looked alright, it was still white and hadn’t gone soft, rice doesn’t go off right? Anyway, it was tough, so I chucked some milk and rice in a pan, with a bit of sugar, hey presto, Rice Pudding….well not really, it was some stodgy rice with a some hint of sweetness, not my greatest accomplishment, I’ll admit, so we skipped desert and went straight for coffee, at least I had coffee in, Michelle doesn’t drink coffee now apparently, so its lucky I have a few spare teabags in. Michelle has no sugar and a drop of milk in her tea, which I perfect as I’ve no sugar and only dregs of milk, I used the rest in the failed rice pudding. Barack has black coffee, again lucky!

The night is drawing to a close, I have no entertainment planned, as that’s another thing I learned from Come Dine With Me, the best dinner parties have entertainment, as seeing as I can sing as well as a newly castrated cat, karaoke is not an option, so we decide to watch Ru Paul’s Drag Race UK, the evening is not wasted, I’m still in my onesie, I’m not getting changed or no one..comfort darlings, and I still get to watch Ru Paul, I swear if they talk all the way through, they are out the door!

Anyway, I’ll leave it there, oh one last thing, Michelle said I made an amazing cup of tea!!